The Bachelorette

I never intended for my blog to be this public.  In fact until I linked my Rocky Raccoon 50K race report in the HTREX Facebook page, I had not told even those closest to me I had started a blog. 

Even a quick perusal of Sarah's blog you get a pretty good feel for her approach to dating.   I feel such a disadvantage in getting my viewpoint across.  I think it is best to provide some background and explain my thought process a bit.  Several of my friends asked me for details on various aspects so I figured I would put it ALL in here and avoid having to send out bits and pieces to several people individually.  Once I had the basic framework written I realized the post was waaaaay too long.  So I broke it up into 4 parts.

Lastly, I wrote the background immediately after we agreed to do this.  The planning section was written as I planned the date.  Obviously my account of the actual date and post date thoughts were written after we had our actual date.  

You can find her account of the events on her blog. (as of now it's not actually up)

Part 1 - Background
Part 2 - Date Planning
Part 3 - The Date
Part 4 - Post Date Thoughts

Bachelorette Pt 4. - Post Date Musings

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3


Going in I was worried I would behave differently because we would be writing about the date. That didn't happen and good, bad, or otherwise I'm pretty sure she got a good feel for who I am at my core. With the exception of the very end of the date I never thought about the fact the date would be written about.

The first part of the scavenger hunt was actually a bit distracting for me. I was a bit nervous about the execution and leaving clues with strangers. Even though I'm sure I get bonus points for going to the extra effort of having strangers hand her the clue, if I had to do it over again I would have handed her the clues myself at Party City and Specs. It was hard to focus on getting to know who Sarah is as a person during the early part of the scavenger hunt. Also I would have made the timing such that we didn't have to rush at the beginning as that was the major distraction.

My original thought was to treat the lines like the actual blind line game we play during improv, but it quickly turned into grab a question and both of us answer it. As far as a date goes this worked much better than the gimmick of the blind line game. I think we both came up with good questions that we probably would not have asked each other otherwise.  I probably would not put in the funny blind lines if I had to do it over.

Lastly, I'm sure some people reading this are shocked I would put in the “Do you put out” blind line and the “You'll be sleeping here tonight” clue as part of a date. In our initial online interaction and the meet-n-greet we talked quite a bit about the stupid things guys/girls do online and in dating. I was VERY sure she would take these as jokes based on our other conversations. For a moment I thought about showing up in a wife beater and a bud lite hat, but figured that may be crossing the line. Plus I'd have to go out and purchase both for a one time use which didn't really appeal to me.

I almost canceled this date several times. After our initial meet-n-greet I never got the impression Sarah was all that interested in dating me. The other issue I had was being one of the bakers dozen.  Obviously this early in there isn't any expectation of exclusivity. This is one of the dating lies we tell ourselves. However, it's another thing altogether to have it so in your face. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've always felt that both people in any relationship want to feel they are special to the other person. This clearly shatters that illusion. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. If it hadn't been for the fact we were writing it up and I told a bunch of my friends about the plan I probably would have moved on.  I'm glad we did this as it turned out to be one of the best dates I've had and I met an amazing woman.  The evening was awesome BECAUSE of Sarah. I can't think of too many people that the evening would have been nearly as fun with.

On the first couple of dates I’m looking for a couple things. First, in the Venn diagram of interests where is our intersection. We definitely have several common interests and maybe more importantly several things which are outside of our shared interest. I'm highly confident a run date isn't in our future, unless we're at the zoo and an animal gets loose.  Second, if I introduced her to my friends/family would their reaction be something other than “What the hell are you thinking Brian?”. Other than the pre-judgement on the oddity of how this all transpired, Sarah fits very well in my circle of friends. Regardless, what happens romantically between us, I can't see her not being in my circle of friends. Lastly, are there any clear deal breakers. I don’t have many so if she’s relatively normal this isn’t too hard to get past. She could still be a crazy cat lady, but I don't think so.

Now for what you've really been waiting for... Will there be another date? In short, I hope so. We have met up once already. She was in the area as some friends and I were out watching Monday Night Football and she stopped by for a quick judgement/approval by my friends drink. Anyone who knows Sarah knows she gets bonus point for coming out to meet for football. Also, we have plans for lunch on Friday, which I'm sure we will have lots to talk about after reading each others posts.

Bachelorette Pt. 3 - All Roads Lead to the Boom Boom Room

Part 1
Part 2

Let the games begin

Even though Sarah only lives about 15 minutes away I left about an hour ahead of time.  I needed to try and convince an unsuspecting worker at a couple places to hand her the clue to our next location.  In all my running around it seems Sarah texted me that I had forgotten to clue her in on how to dress for the evening’s festivities.  (Ugh!  I even had it written on my 'TO DO' list)  I didn't notice the message until I was leaving the final place, about 20 minutes away.  I quickly sent her a message that I would be in something similar to what I was wearing the first time we met.  Jeans and a button down.  Knowing full well this was a little too late.  Strike one for the home team.

When I arrived I knocked on her door, and handed her the instructions for the start of the evening along with her first clue.

Improv is not a spectator sport.  By its very nature it needs assistance from the audience. To start things off we need to get our audience suggestion.  When we arrive at our first destination we need to ask someone a country they would like to visit.  Also, I'm sure we have (discreetly) looked the other one over already.   If there is anything missing, this will be the place to correct it.  Put the card together and we'll head there next.

If we had a Rock Anthem

and

Built this on Rock and Roll

We could jump in our Starship and LMFAO!

She put together that the Starships sang “We Built This City on Rock and Roll” and LMFAO sings “Party Rock Anthem” so our first destination was Party City.  So we headed to my car to make our way.  When we got into the car she put her blind lines/questions into the hat.  We mix the 50 or so lines in the hat up, and she suggests we each grab one.  She reads hers to herself and just laughs.  Of course I’m thinking what was in there that was so funny?  I bet you can guess the one she grabbed right off the bat.  Yep.  “Do you put out”.  Now when I put that in the hat, I figured IF she drew it out it would be a ways into the date and she would realize it was clearly a joke.  If I drew it out I could easily add something like “the garbage or do you make your son do that?”  This was one of the very few times I have ever been embarrassed.  She seemed to take it as the joke I meant it but I won’t be surprised if when I read her account of the night she viewed negatively.  Off we go to Party City.

We get to Party City and head inside.  From the instruction scroll she puts together we’ll be buying some accessories for us to take with us on the rest of our night.  We look around and she asks another patron of the store a country they would most like to visit.  We both learn that Hawaii is now its own country.  Of course the woman I entrusted with the next clue is nowhere to be found.  This is not running as smoothly as I imagined it would.  We make a lap through the store and Sarah picks out a white feather boa for me, and some outrageous 50’s style pink glasses for herself.   I come clean to Sarah that the person I gave the next clue has failed me, but I have a backup one in the car just in case this happened.  About the same time this conversation is taking place the guy behind the balloon counter gives Sarah the next clue.

We may need more than one

Of the first four letters in the second word

In the title of an oenophiles favorite periodical.

You may need more than one clue

And see the light

I knew this clue was a bit harder than the other but she had in her OkC profile that she loved wine so I thought there was a decent chance she would get it.  The hint on the back was in reference to the instructions.  If you held the instructions up you would notice that the word “spectator” was underlined from behind.  She figured out the clue pretty fast with just a bit of guidance (without the hint).  We check out, and off to Spec’s we go.

Evidently people don’t normally walk into a liquor store wearing feather boas and crazy pink sunglasses.  The ladies handing out samples of Grey Goose give us some sass and we play along.  Off to find some “Hawaiian” wine.  We decide California is close enough and roll with that.  The woman in the wine department I gave the next clue comes over and hands Sarah the following card.

The dogg that’s not a peanut did the remix

 ‘So Sexy in the Club’

With this artist.

Google

I didn’t really expect her to get this one.  I knew she was a Snoop Dogg fan from her FB page, but so am I and I had never heard this song before.  The hint was “Google” which she did.  We’ll be taking our wine to Sophia.  When we check out she offers to pay for the wine.

This is one of those things I never know how to react to.  I can never tell if you’re being tested if you’re cheap or if it’s a genuine offer.  At improv we’re taught to accept all offers so I do.  With all the places I Googled to figure out how to integrate Snoop into one of the clues and this was the best I could come up with.

We get to the restaurant bringing in the hat-o-blind lines.  This is the point I finally start to relax.  With all the running around, depending on random strangers and trying to help with the clues but not too much I was seriously distracted.  The next clue had been dropped off with the owner the night before so from here on out I’m not worried about the scavenger hunt aspect. (I’d be interested if Sarah noted any shift in my demeanor at this point.)  Most of the date to this point has been focused on the scavenger hunt so it is nice to take a break and have a normal conversation.  “BRAAAAWK”, so much for that.  She makes the first mention of her blog of the night.  This clearly startled/shocked her, although it could have simply been the volume at which I clucked at.  Needless to say she knows she hit my trigger but hasn’t quite figured it out.  The waiter brings over the next clue.

Although neither Atlantic nor Pacific,

This is shore a good place for planned unplanned fun.

There is an east and west

The gulf is the other one.

Since we had time she does not get much help with this one.  I do give her the clue it is something we talked about the first time we met.  She figures out we are next headed to Third Coast Comedy for an improv show.   I tell her the show time and tickets are at will call. A pair of older couples are seated next to us and we have some extremely good banter with them.   By this time Sarah has figured out my trigger and is having fun telling the table next to us all about how she has a blog and we’re blogging about our date, me clucking away the whole time.   (I distinctly remember during one point in our interaction with our new dining friends thinking 'She totally fits in with my friends.')  At some point I figure out her trigger is anytime I drink she has to play/twirl her hair.  Now I’m self-conscious about when I drink, I do want us to relax, enjoy our meal, and have some normal interaction.  We keep this up most of the meal.  At dinner I found out  I moved down the list.  I’m now number 5 on the 12 Dates of Christmas.  Oh well.  We lose track of time and Sarah realizes it’s about 10 minutes to show time.  We hurry up and leave to make the show, but we have a 20ish minute drive ahead of us.

We arrive at Third Coast about 15 minutes into the show.  Dang they rearranged the seating so the couches are waaay in the back, we sit in the middle in the chairs.  The next skit starts and they ask for a volunteer to get on stage.  We both immediately turn to the other to figure out which one of us is going up first. (This is THE point I realize we are two peas in a pod.  No hesitation, no IF, just WHEN is the other going up)  Unfortunately for Sarah, paper covers rock and I go up first, pink sunglasses and all.  Sarah volunteers for the next skit and heads up on stage, shedding boa feathers along the way.   While she’s on stage I have a chance to slip the next clue to my friend Lawrence, who is performing in the show.  A couple skits later it’s intermission.  We grab some drinks and relocate to a couch.  The show continues and part way through the second act IT happens.  
 

You ever have one of those moments; it happens in slow motion and you can recall it with perfect clarity? This was one for me, and I wish I had the mastery of the English language to do it justice. An extremely funny moment on stage occurs and Sarah doubles over in laughter, reaching her hand across me to the far side of my outside leg. Maybe it's because in the Five Love Languages (like most guys) touch is mine, but this is the exact moment I went from “She's fun, I could see hanging out with her again” to “I want to see where a relationship with Sarah goes.”.  After the show Lawrence hands Sarah the final clue.

You’ll be sleeping here tonight

;-)

?

She obviously said her place (after she checked the hint on the back), which was the right answer.   I mean this is Quazy Quest, you end where you started. Full disclosure: I did have a clue back at my place which read “Well $@*% I didn’t see that coming or I would have picked up”

We’re heading back to her place and I realize it’s much earlier than I thought we would be done.  I’ve had a blast all night and I really don’t want the night to end.  I’m having that internal debate of do I finish the game, then propose to head back out, or vice versa when she beats me to the punch.  I can be clueless as the next guy sometimes but anytime a pretty woman asks if "you'd like to go to The Boom Boom Room” the answer is YES!  Turns out it’s a real place.

Once at the Boom Boom Room we drop the improv games and proceed as normally as the two us can be with a feather boa, pink sunglasses, and pimp hat full of dating questions.  She’s getting tired so we head back to her place.   I walk her to the door and give her the final scroll.

Congratulations!

You have successfully completed the Quazy Quest.  Thanks for being such a great sport and playing along.  This was amazingly fun to put together.  Since I wrote this a couple days ago I’m going to assume we both had a great time.  Hey, would you look at that, mistletoe! (over)

Of course I forgot to write the “made you look” on the back side so I simply tell her.  Not sure that joked worked out so well.  She moves her hand over us like she’s holding something and says “We can pretend some is right here.”  Daaaaamn she’s smooth.  We’ll that’s all you get about that, but knowing everything that goes on will be written about for your mother to see (love ya Ma) keeps a guy from trying to stretch a single into a double.

I pull back into the parking garage at my complex and begin to unload.  That's when I noticed she did the classic leave behind.  Her sweater is in my back seat...

Part 4

Jingle Bell 5 Miler Race Report

We'll take a break from the Bachelorette show for our regularly scheduled programming. I signed up for the Jingle Bell 5 Miler competitive run based on the suggestion of my friend Devleena. It worked out that the start of the race was a 5K from where I live. Liz and I decided to make this race part of our weekend long run. We would run to the race, run the race and run back home, for a total of about just over 11 miles. Normally we would run a race as a race, do our best effort and move on. However, Liz is training for her first marathon and I'm training to finally break 6 hours in a trail 50K (31 miles) so we both have a reason to keep our mileage high.

The Jingle Bell run is an anomaly. Most races start early in the morning, but the Jingle Bell starts at 1pm. What amazes me is how a few hours difference in start time drastically changes my pre-race rituals. Normally I wake up have a small breakfast and push my legs, lungs, and mental focus to the limit. With a later start time I have to have a real meal and worry about cramping if I eat too much. The other big problem with afternoon or later start times is I have no problem going out the night before. If a race starts at 7am I have to be there by 6 which usually means I need to be up about 5 to eat, get ready, and drive to the race. With a 1pm start time I can roll in at 2am, make a late night snack, and still not need to set an alarm. So when Dev was having potluck night at her place how could I resist.

Liz and I meet up at noon to run down to the race. Neither of us is feeling our best for different reasons. Of course this is when I find out my Garmin is fried. I never run with a watch except for races. I like knowing my mile splits and it helps with the mental focus. Without mile splits I'm not sure how I'm going to keep my focus and hit my time goals. We get to the YMCA building downtown and start looking for Dev, the Icehouse Runners, and several of our other friends that are running this race. We meet up with several people we know and socialize before the run. I'm starting to get plugged back into the Houston race scene and these races are a great way to keep in touch with those I can't run with regularly.

They call for the competitive runners to line up so I make my way to the starting line. I'm way in the back. When the gun goes off it takes at least a full minute to cross the starting mat. The first mile is pure fun run hell. I have to weave in an out of walkers and others that should have been much further back. I hit the first mile mark in 8:22, I figure at least a minute to hit the start line so my first mile is probably 7:20ish. My plan was to run about a 7:30ish pace, a bit fast but not too bad. I hit mile 2 in 16:30 so about an 8 minute pace, not good. It's in the low 80's and I'm already dieing 2 miles in. Mentally I'm done at this point and I'm searching for reasons not to walk the aid stations. I realize I've backed off to my everyday fast pace when I hit mile 3 and they say 8:10 pace (with the minute to the start line probably 7:50ish pace). At this point I figure I'll just coast in with a comfortably hard pace. I hit mile 4 to see the people who are suppose to be giving the splits pack up and walk toward the start. The odd thing is I'm constantly passing people without anyone passing me. Had I started where I should have I would be running by myself with the top runners. With as bad as I'm feeling and running today, I know I'm pretty far up in the standings.  I enter downtown and kick it into high gear passing a number of people. This is when I realize I was just being lazy on this run.  I had no problem picking up the pace for the final half mile or so.  The clock says just over 40 minutes (official time 39:34) as I cross the finish line. Not my best run, but a good speed workout all the same.

Checking the standings I finished 84^thoverall (out of 1041 finishers), 17th (out of 110) in my age group, and at a 7:53 pace. Much slower than I should have run, and much slower than recent runs of longer distances.  Overall it was a tough run for me, but also after this week I needed to block out daily life and focus on a run for some mental rejuvenation.

Liz and I talk with a few friends and head back out for the 5K home after a bit of rest. After 11+ miles we're both wiped. We head out to dinner after cleaning up for a night of fun. I don't have a race coming up soon which is a bit of an oddity for me. Back to the Bachelorette show....

Bachelorette Pt. 2 - Date Planning

Part 1

Of course I said yes to this without an actual date idea.  First dates are always tricky.   You know very little about the person so it's hard to personalize the date.  I generally like to plan a first date where we will have a good time even if either of us realize fairly soon in there isn't going to be another date.

My plan was to treat this as best I could as a real first date.  Ignore all the odd surrounding circumstances and move forward.  My goals going in were to do something representative of what I would do on a date, but not necessarily as a first date, get some honest feedback for future use, and have fun in the process.

So what did I know about Sarah at this point that I could use for a date idea.  Not much really.  We both mentioned that in online dating you really need some form of intelligence test before someone can message you.  I knew she loved comedy, especially ComedySportz.  When she told me about being an audience volunteer in a CSz show her eyes lit up like my nephew's does when he tells me what Santa brought him.   Then a stroke of genius hit me.  Ok, one of my improv buddies had the idea.  Her idea “Shoot, you should make use of the experiment for your own blog. You could play a few games like Pavlovian Response – every time she says the word ‘blog’ cluck like a chicken.”  So the idea was to take a few of my favorite games to perform and turn them into a long form improv date. 

The basic premise was to have an improv themed “scavenger hunt” date, throw some first date questions into a hat to keep the conversation going, and do something total goofy along the way.   Note:  This is where you really have to calibrate and cater to the specific person you are going out with.  I know several of my female friends if someone asked them to do anything (or specific subsets) you are about to read they would be absolutely horrified.  From the little interaction I had with Sarah up until this point I was pretty confident she would love it unless the execution went horribly wrong.  I should also note this was the first time I have ever tried something like this.  I’ve thought about the general scavenger hunt idea before, but never dated anyone I thought would enjoy it. I sent the following Evite for the date to Sarah.  Now I actually had to figure out the places we would go.

I designed the scavenger hunt for dinner and improv show.   Each place would have a clue (and hint) as to the next location.  The dinner would be at a BYOB restaurant so we would have to stop by and pick up some wine.  The logistics were tough.  The show started at 7:30.  With dinner and a couple stops along the way, we would have to start the date fairly early.  The other hard part in planning was the end.  The show would end between 9 and 9:30.  I’m pretty sure not many women on their kid free weekend want to be sitting at home on a Saturday night at ten o’clock, no matter how great a time they had earlier.  Originally, I had added a dessert stop for after the show but cut it out for fear of feeling the date was too long.  I figured it was better to err on the side of her wishing we had spent more time together, than wishing the date would hurry up and be over.  Also, I could always suggest doing something afterwards if we were having fun.

My blind lines were normal first/second date questions.  Knowing my improv friends would have some funny/outrageous suggestions I asked for their input and took the following to add into my 25 or so lines.

•  So I know where to aim, which part of your body is the most ticklish?
• I secretly use to be ______
• Ribet, ribet, ribet is the sound I make when ____
•  I'll be off probation soon, I can’t believe they caught me doing ______
•  I was dumpster diving the other day and I can’t believe I found ________
•  Do you put out

I'm sure you can only imagine the ones I rejected.

My Pavlovian response was that I would cluck like a chicken anytime she mentioned her blog.  I honestly figured she'd mention it within the first minutes of the date as we would both be writing about the date.  I had my friend Jamie send Sarah a couple suggestions for hers knowing she would keep them first date appropriate.  Sorry guys I know the kind of things ya’ll would have suggested.  



Part 3
Part 4

Brian's Going on the Bachelorette - Pt. 1

I met Sarah who writes a dating blog through OKCupid. We went out for drinks for a meet and greet to make sure the other wasn't completely crazy or using 10 year old photos.  The conversation was good but mainly about dating in the modern world post-divorce.  The meet and greet was short (I was home by 8:30) so I didn't really get a chance to find out much about her. We both agreed things went well enough to try a second proper first date.

Side note: Sarah is the only person I have messaged online in the last 5+ months.  I had previously sworn off online dating (yet again).  But once in a while when a work meeting can’t hold my attention I jump online and see who is new. I've gone on a number of blind/online dates.  There have only been two women who were more attractive than I presumed going in.  Sarah was one of them.

I did the standard next day follow up, letting her know I was interested in seeing her again and when I came back from my family vacation I'd call her and we could work out our schedules. I called when I came back and got her voicemail. The next morning I got the following text:

Nothing says you're just a number in a string of guys as well, getting the actual number of your place in the line.  Wasn't this the basic premise for the movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”?  I immediately texted a few of my female friends for their opinions.  With the exception of one, the consensus was for me to run for the hills.  I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do so I did what we all do now, threw it out on Facebook.  I actually had to think hard about doing this.  Sarah and I are “friends” on FB.   However, through our previous interactions she left me with the impression she had never actually looked at my FB profile.  (If a cover photo of me in a tutu doesn't get a question/comment I'm not sure what does.)  The discussion that followed pretty much sums up the various thoughts running through my head. (minus the "she must get around")

Normally I'm not a whip it out and compare with 11 other dudes kind of guy.  As a wise man once said “Homey don’t play dat!”  Then I got to thinking, what makes for a better story?  How I had a crazy offer and did nothing with it, or what I did with the offer.

My Reply

Sorry for the delay, it's been crazy busy at work with the holidays and an upcoming conference.  I was thinking about your proposal and I'm in.  I've always been fascinated how people view the same event differently.   With that said, my idea is we each blog about this date from our perspectives.  We release our posts simultaneously on our respective blogs (so there’s no changing after the fact) and we link to the others viewpoint.  Deal?  We can work out specifics as when and where once we both get back from our holiday travels.  I’ll work under the assumption a weekend evening is best for you.  Anyways, have great and safe Thanksgiving.

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4